Chapter 9

By late the next morning, they'd located a spot on the coast Ian deemed appropriate, and loaded the coffin into the shuttle. Sara insisted she accompany the small burial party so that a woman wasn't put to her final rest without another woman present.

Alex cleared his throat. "When we get back, we can pack your ship back into the Ascalon. You can stay with us as long as you want."

Ian nodded and looked up at the morning sky. "It's nice here in the nebula. She'll be happy."

Evan found himself again swallowing back the lump in his throat. He looked at Alex and realized a little guiltily that his grief was projecting again. Mari was a good woman, a fair Keeper, and her death meant so much more than just her own parting. But he couldn't stop his mind from racing forward into the unknown future -- screaming out through an infinite range of possibilities to latch onto a fate as uncertain as life itself -- where the image of his own potential loss slammed unbidden into his mind.

Evan admonished his own thoughts and set about helping load the coffin into the shuttle. He knew to anyone looking, even Alex, his expression and attitude would be interpreted as shared grief for Mari and for Ian's loss. No one had to know the truth.

The journey to the ocean was long and silent, but it gave Evan enough time to consider what life might be like if Ian was with them on the Ascalon. Alex's work would certainly be made that much easier. And life with another Sha'erah was something Evan never considered before. But how would Ian adjust to having no Keeper? Was it even possible? As much as he wanted to believe it was, he didn't really want to share Alex. Knowing how selfish that thought was didn't prevent it from nagging at the back of Evan's mind until they'd reached the cliff and were unloading the coffin.

Then the lump returned and he couldn't look Alex in the eyes anymore.

"This will do perfectly." Ian calmly glanced around, gazing out at the ocean nearly a half-mile below them.

Alex and Evan set about hollowing out a space of soft dirt with a set of hand-lasers. Within minutes they had a grave. They moved the coffin into the hole, but when it was done, an awkward silence fell over the group. Finally Alex cleared his throat and they glanced at him.

"Did you want to say anything before we finish, Ian? Did she have any last words?"

Evan couldn't look at any of them. He wanted to offer Ian his support, even if it was just symbolic eye contact, but he couldn't. Keeping the image of Alex alive and well and right there foremost in his mind was taking all the effort he could muster.

"No. Mari wasn't religious, and she hated funerals. She wanted it simple and quick. A view of an ocean was her only request."

Quietly they filled in the hole using small shovels. Ian sighed and turned around to face the ocean view.

"It really is beautiful here."

He started walking, so Evan and Alex followed, leaving Sara to search a nearby meadow for fresh flowers to adorn the grave.

"Yes it is." Alex nodded and fell into step on Ian's right. "Makes you wonder what else we might find inside this nebula."

"I'm sorry if what I said last night seemed rude, Ian." Alex looked ahead and ran a hand through his hair. "But those things Maker taught you are criminal."

Evan looked over at Alex and squinted against the sunlight. Beside his Keeper he saw Ian shrug.

"I'm Sha'erah. To us the things Maker taught are just . . . life."

"But you can see how wrong they are."

Ian stopped walking and turned to face Alex and Evan. "You really believe that I could just blend in to your life like some crewmember?" He shifted his gaze and looked at Evan. "Alex is your Keeper."

"Alex is different." Evan shrugged one shoulder. "You'd be welcome with us for as long as you wanted to stay."

"You don't have to decide now, Ian." Alex shook his head and looked out over the ocean. "Just take it one day at a time, and see what you feel like."

Evan watched Ian's face, studying it for any uncertainty. There was always Dr. Zane and the children back on Scotian. He could go there, live on the island with them.

"I appreciate your concern, Captain Marcase. But I'm Sha'erah."

Ian turned and stepped off the cliff.

"NO!"

It happened so fast, Evan barely had time to register Alex's lunge toward the edge. He grabbed desperately at his Keeper's back, just managing to get hold of Alex before he could fall off the cliff trying to stop Ian.

"Alex!" Evan pulled, forcing Alex a step back away from the drop. "It's too late!" He spun back, still wrapped in Evan's protective hold, and pulled away with a jerk of his shoulders.

Before Evan could stop him, Alex rushed to the edge and fell to his stomach. Evan was inches behind him, grabbing his belt.

"Ian!" Alex's shout was lost on the wind and carried out to sea with the waves.

"He's gone!" All Evan could see were rocks and white foaming waves smashing against the cliff wall. He felt his entire body go cold. The wind snatched his breath and carried Alex's cries of anger out to sea.

"Why?!" Alex scrambled to his feet and stepped back from the edge, glaring at Evan. "Why did he do that?!"

Evan's head was spinning from yet another dramatic twist he knew he should have seen coming, making him slightly dizzy. "He's Sha'erah, Alex. She had no valid will." He felt his voice crack with emotion, but it wasn't all for Ian.

"Don't give me that! He had complete control over his own life! Nothing made him do this. I explained that! He had a life with us!"

"He was Sha'erah!"

Alex blinked and stared at Evan. The shock overwhelmed them both into a stunned silence. A gust of wind rushed up at them from the ocean below, carrying with it sweet smells and a slightly mineral taste that tickled at the back of the throat.

Evan looked out over the seascape, waiting for his thoughts to catch up. Beside him, Alex stood rubbing his eyes and shaking his head slowly from side to side.

"What is it with this place?"

Evan turned to face his Keeper and met his question with a puzzled gaze.

Alex looked up. "Our second time into this nebula, and people died both times."

"People die all the time, Alex, no matter where we are." Evan took a step closer to Alex, wary of his depressed tone.

"Spencer was the cause before." Alex shook his head sharply and looked away. His expression was hardening, going from shocked denial to a reflection of inner turmoil and anger. "What if I was the cause this time?" He turned and looked Evan in the eyes. "We argued, I refused to let her take what she'd come here for, out of spite."

"No." Evan reached out and grabbed Alex by the arm, making sure he had his Keeper's full attention, which at times could be difficult. "You didn't cause Mari's heart attack."

Alex sighed, then eventually nodded. "Maybe not, but I couldn't have helped matters."

Evan was about to reply when he noticed Sara walking toward them. He gestured toward her and Alex turned around. Much to his relief, they moved further away from the cliff's edge and met the doctor a few yards away.

Alex explained what had happened.

"Poor Ian." Sara sat on the soft earth, shaking her head sadly. "God, he and Mari must have been closer than I'd thought, for him to be so despondent." She pulled at a petal from the cluster of wild flowers in her hand. "Can we find the body? I think he would have wanted to rest beside her."

Evan's throat closed up again, inexplicably.

"We're going to look for it." Alex pointed to the transport and nodded to Evan. "We have to try, at least."

Evan cleared his throat but didn't trust his voice enough for a reply. Instead he simply started walking toward the small ship. Behind him Alex and Sara exchanged a few more words he couldn't make out over the sea breeze, then his Keeper joined him in the transport.

Alex took the controls and Evan positioned himself in the co-pilot's seat with a good view out the windows as well as the sensors on the control panel. If Ian's body hadn't been swept out on a swift current or taken down too deep, they should be able to find it.

"I can't seem to wrap my brain around this, you know?" Alex lifted the transport off and brought them around to come at the cliff from the ocean side. "I was just getting used to the idea of having Ian with us on the Ascalon." He shook his head. "I was up all night working it out in my head."

"I know." Evan couldn't get much volume to his voice, but the tone seemed appropriate to the situation, so he didn't bother trying to fix it. They were alone, and the emotions had been riding pretty high for some time. He was grateful only Sara had come along, leaving him alone with Alex during what had turned out to be an even more emotionally trying time than he'd bargained for.

"He could have gone to the island with Zane, too. I thought of that. If he didn't want to stay with us."

Evan nodded, checking the scanner and trying hard to concentrate on the task at hand.

"When I said his talent takes all the fun out of exploration, I didn't mean I wouldn't have appreciated having him on board."

They made a second pass along the cliff's edge, just a few yards off the surface of the waves, scanning the foaming water.

"We might not find him."

Evan turned to look at Alex. "I know."

They flew back and forth along the coast for hours, expanding the search area with each pass. Even with the scanners penetrating a depth of over one hundred feet, they couldn't locate Ian's body. By late afternoon, Alex called off his search and flew back up to the landing site where Sara waited, a new grave already hollowed out.

"I guess the chances were pretty slim." She put a consoling hand on Alex's arm when he announced their failure. "Still, we can make a marker here beside Mari's. No one should die unknown."

"I saw a stone when we found this one, I'll get it." Evan didn't wait for a reply. He was having a hard time with the lump in his throat again, and every time he looked at Alex it threatened to close up on him. Finding a heavy stone they could carve a marker into and set beside Mari's was a task he could put his whole mind to, and use as a focal point to get through the evening.

Thanks to the size of the stone he chose, it worked to keep his complete attention until he'd managed to move it into place and help Alex carve out the details. Sara found more flowers, and they both stood looking down at the matching headstones as the sun began reaching for the horizon.

Alex cleared his throat. "I can't think of anything to say."

"We're all in shock, Alex. But I think we can pray Ian's happier now. He lived to be with Mari."

Evan stared at the stone, trying hard to ignore Sara's words and focus on the moment.

"I didn't get the chance to know them as well as I would have liked, but anyone could see how much he loved her."

"I didn't think they were intimate."

Sara laughed slightly and shook her head. "People don't have to be having sex to love each other, Alex. Friendship and devotion are more powerful than the kind of love that involves sex."

Evan glanced up and saw Alex sigh and rub his eyes.

Sara put a hand on his arm. "I suddenly feel the need to call my husband." She smiled at Evan, then turned and walked back to the transport.

Alex ran a hand through his hair and looked around, apparently noticing the sunset for the first time. "It is beautiful here."

"Yes, it is."

"I just . . . I don't get it." Alex shook his head and moved away from the graves, walking toward the flatter ground beyond. A slight forest sat nearby, a flower-filled prairie to the other side. "Why? Why in God's name did he do it?"

Evan moved quickly so he was alongside his Keeper. The expression on Alex's face was again moving toward anger, perhaps as a way to get beyond the massive shock of grief.

"It makes no sense, dammit! Killing himself because he was told to. Why in the hell didn't he do it right then? If he knew he was going to? And how the hell did he know?"

Alex's anger was in full throttle again.

"If Mari's sister was still alive, Ian wouldn't have done this. He would have asked us for a ride back to Scotian where Mari's lawyers would have already had the ring and all the details." Evan paused, doubting anything he said was penetrating his Keeper's anger. "Ian couldn't do this until he'd finished all of Mari's last wishes. And apparently her burial with an ocean view was all there was to do."

"This is insane!" Alex glared at Evan, angrily waving one hand through the air. "Just because her will was a little out of date isn't reason enough for any human being to commit suicide!"

"We're not human beings!" Evan nearly shouted. He needed Alex to understand something he knew wasn't going to be easy. And he needed to accept what had happened. For a moment, a fleeting moment, he'd actually believed Ian would join them. "We're Sha'erah, Alex. I know you don't agree with the way things are, but you can't change it because you don't like it."

"I changed you!" Alex held up his ring finger. "You know who really controls this thing."

"You might have changed who I am, Alex, but you can't change what I am."

Alex's expression changed suddenly from shock to an angry, cold control. The expression sent a chill down Evan's body and twisted his stomach. They were dangerously close to a cliff of another kind, he could feel it.

"What are you saying, Evan?" Alex's voice had lost all volume and inflection. "I don't have a will. You know that, don't you?"

Evan sighed very quietly. The world around them had gone cold and still. "Yes, I do."

Alex looked away as if he was searching for something, then he looked up at Evan again, eyebrows furrowed darkly together. "Are you telling me when I die, that's what you're planning to do?"

He didn't understand. Maybe it wasn't something he could understand. After all, he hadn't purchased Evan, hadn't even known Sha'erah were real. He couldn't be expected to know everything.

"Answer me!"

Alex's shout was startling, but Evan didn't jump. "A Sha'erah cannot exist without a Keeper."

"That is bullshit and you know it!"

"I'm your Sha'erah, Alex. And I'm also your . . . your friend, which complicates things. But it doesn't change them! If you have no will, unless you sell me to someone, when you die I -- "

Alex's hand came up suddenly and stopped Evan's sentence in his throat.

The two men stared at each other, oblivious to their surroundings. Evan desperately needed Alex to understand what he was saying. Not just take it on face value but truly understand. But the look of anger in his green eyes suggested the brick wall was up and nothing was going to get past it.

After an eternity of silence, Alex turned and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to think!" He spun around, hand raised in a commanding gesture, his eyes burning with anger. "Alone!"

Alex's words cut into Evan like a knife, cold and terrible, pinning him in place. Immobilized by the sudden jab of emotion gripping his heart, all he could do was stand there and watch his Keeper - his friend - walk out into the darkness by himself.

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