Chapter 8

Evan stood near the edge of the cliff he and Alex had climbed to and admired the view of their new planet. "Are we going back right away?"

Alex shrugged and glanced out over the edge. "We don't really have to. We've registered the claim, now we just need to find a buyer and we're set. I should get a consensus among the crew, but they did sign on for a longer expedition. Did you want to stay out here?"

The standard Sha'erah response -- denying his ability to express or harbor a desire of his own -- came unbidden to Evan's lips. He swallowed back on it. "I really don't mind where we go next."

An undeniably happy sparkle appeared in Alex's eyes.

"This adventure business is addictive, isn't it? I admit, finding what you're looking for this quickly and easily kinda takes the fun out of the whole affair." Alex laughed lightly. "I am sorry you didn't get to hang around with Ian more, though. He seemed like a nice guy." He sighed and shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe I should have spent more time with Mari, explained to her about -- "

"No." Evan shook his head and Alex turned to look at him, a puzzled expression on his face. "She wouldn't have wanted to hear it, she's a Keeper."

"So am I."

He shook his head again. "She wouldn't have understood or cared. In her place I wouldn't believe it either. And even if she did, nothing would have changed." Some things were just impossible to get through to Alex. "Ian's been happy all this time. Maybe he'll be just as happy with a new Keeper." He shrugged. "Or maybe she won't sell him after all."

Alex stood there looking down for a long moment, then seemed to shrug off some thought he was having. Before he could say anything, they both heard a PDA go off.

"Is that yours or mine?"

"Mine." Evan pulled the PDA out and flipped up the lid, answering the call.

"Evan, is Alex with you?"

Startled, Evan blinked at the image of Mari on the small screen. "Yes, he is."

Equally surprised, Alex moved closer so he could see the screen. "Mari? How is your signal getting through? The atmosphere -- Wait, is everything okay?"

Mari nodded. "Our signal is getting to you because it's not coming through the upper atmosphere."

Evan's muscles tensed, sensing danger.

"We're on the southern continent, Alex."

"What?" Alex looked at Evan, puzzled, then his eyes widened.

"The anomaly we were looking for, it really was an alien ship. It crashed on this planet, some time ago by the looks of it. There's no sign of life, just crystallized remains scattered all over the landscape."

Evan watched his Keeper try to get enough control over his emotions to put words together coherently. Obviously Mari and Ian had led them, and quite expertly, to the very point they wished to go.

"That ship is what my scientist speculated as a gigantic mineral deposit?"

"Alex, we don't have to get into that now. We could have simply gathered what we wanted and left without telling you we'd even been here."

Evan felt his own anger rising. "This planet is registered to the Ascalon's Captain and crew. It's illegal to -- "

Alex held up a hand, silencing Evan's complaint. His face was dark and angry, and for a moment he couldn't even look back at the screen in Evan's hands. Finally he spoke to Mari again.

"Why did you call?"

Mari sighed. "Ian found what you were looking for earlier."

# # #

The trip south on a transport ship seemed like an eternity of angry silence. They had a group along that included Doctor Sara Feller-Jackson, but even their whispers of excitement were kept low and quiet.

Evan had taken control of the expedition and gave everyone strict instructions to follow. He wasn't willing to take Mari's word about the alien occupants of this ship no longer being a danger. He was more concerned with keeping Alex from doing something stupid when they landed. He was pretty sure his Keeper knew better now than to attempt an assault on another Keeper, but with Alex, Evan had learned never to take anything for granted.

"All right, every be careful. Spread out and see what you can find. If you see anything alive, give a shout out." Alex nodded to the others, then headed for the door.

Evan turned the crank and pushed the door open, then flipped on the hand light and scanned the area. It was littered with debris, and moonlight sparkling off chunks of crystal. Ahead of them stood a massive section that seemed to have survived mostly intact by virtue of size alone.

"They put their ship on top of this piece." Evan let his light play up toward the night sky where it found the Finder's Keeper strapped to the top of the wreckage.

"Mari said they had the route from below marked with . . . There." He pointed with his light to a red flag with a brightly colored line tied to it.

Evan took the lead, following the line into the fractured hull of the alien ship while the others began wandering around, examining the wreckage and crystal pieces.

"She knew the anomaly was a ship, and she knew it was here. She lied to us in order to find it."

Evan glanced over his shoulder at Alex. "We don't know that for sure."

"Sure we do. That Consortium obviously commissioned new scans, based on my reports, and found it again. Mari knew she could locate it for them, and they hired her. Never mind it happens to have crash landed on a planet I'm claiming."

"Ian wouldn't have allowed her to endanger herself if they did know the truth."

They continued, following the marking line side by side. "The fact that you found the anomaly first, even if you weren't able to get close to it, is a matter of record. Is that what's bothering you?"

"No, it isn't." Alex huffed. "Yes, it is." He gestured at the broken, alien hulk. "I knew there was something in the nebula. I knew it had to be a ship, but damn if I got there too late. Now look at this thing." The wreckage was impressive, and strewn across the ground in a wide pattern, suggesting a violent and unexpected landing. It was impossible to tell what it had looked like originally, but what they could see looked decidedly alien. Black, sleek, with no visible antenna or satellites. The skin was smooth, with a matte finish that would have absorbed starlight and left no reflection in space.

"Wonder what brought them down."

"Assuming, of course, that this is the same ship that we'd identified as the anomaly on those scans."

The line they were following ended at a doorway resembling the entrance to a large hold. There were alien markings on the wall beside the door, colored geometric shapes that appeared burned into the black surface, not raised like a button or label. Inside, they found a set of ladders connecting the levels in a switch-back leading to the top row where Ian and Mari waited.

"Gentlemen! Up here." Mari waved. "Sorry about the climb, but with the wreckage and all, we couldn't find an intact walkway or lift."

Alex moved for the ladder but Evan grabbed his arm. "Let me go first."

"Yes, mother."

Evan ignored the remark and started up. Each level they criss-crossed held large cases, apparently filled with sampled alien life, now held in a solid suspension. The sight reminded Evan of a laboratory or teaching facility, with specimens preserved in death for research and study purposes. The idea of innocent creatures having been snatched up and placed in someone's collection like trophies sickened him. Even more so now that the very creatures who had kidnapped them in the first place had presumably all died in the crash.

As they neared the area where Mari and Ian were standing, Evan could see a specimen case illuminated by portable lights.

"I thought you'd want to see this for yourself." Mari stepped aside and pointed to the case.

Evan glanced at Alex, and held out a hand again to prevent him from moving any closer to the case. Until he knew what it was, he wasn't risking his Keeper for anything. Slowly, he moved forward and looked at the specimen.

"Ian didn't know he was here until we'd arrived, so you must have wanted to find him on some small level, after all." Mari spoke to Alex as he stood behind Evan. "What I don't understand is what he's doing here. "

It was Spencer.

His body, anyway, completely encased in the solid material that comprised the specimen cases. Evan wanted to look away, but the sight had frozen him in place. Face stiff in death, his former Keeper's chest was still red and open where their blasts had ripped into his flesh, ending his life. It was macabre, but in a sick way almost poetically satisfying. The man who had always considered both people and things as his possessions had ended up as someone else's trophy.

Still, the urge to break into the case and separate Spencer's head from his body was hard to ignore.

Alex cleared his throat, then put a hand on Evan's back and leaned forward just enough to see. He didn't seem to want to get any closer, and the hand on Evan's back remained there, clutching his shirt slightly. "Guess that answers that."

Evan blinked and forced his eyes from the specter in the case. His Keeper looked pale, and the hand still clutching his shirt had begun shaking, either from anger or shock. That thought brought Evan out of his stupor. He looked straight at Mari.

"Let's go up, into the fresh air."

"Yes, perhaps we should." Mari nodded, then turned and led the way to a ladder behind her leading up and out, where her ship waited.

As soon as they were on top of the massive wreckage, Alex pulled out his PDA and contacted their transport. "Sara?"

"I’m here, Alex. It seems all clear. Everything we're finding is dead, if it was alive in the first place.."

"Just tell everyone to be careful." He shut the unit before she could reply, then glared at Mari. "You knew the anomaly was a ship, and that ship had crashed here, didn't you?"

Evan tensed and noticed Ian doing the same. They were on top of the wreckage but not inside the ship. While they had plenty of room to pace and move around, this wasn't the place to get into a skirmish.

"This planet is yours, Alex. It's a moot point what we came out here for." Mari retorted without the slightest hint of regret or apology. "I had information that wasn't available to you at the time. But they're all worthless now, this ship and the aliens in it are dead. There's no way we'll learn where it came from, or who created it. If it's credit you're looking for, that's not my concern."

Alex's jaw muscles flexed with intense control. He glared at her a moment, then turned and paced away a few feet. Evan kept a close eye on every move he made, ready to step in at any second. His own anger was brewing close to the surface, seeing his Keeper this frustrated.

"Look, I thought you'd like to see what we found, considering. It was Ian's work that gave you this planet in the first place. We were just going to pop on down, pick up a few trinkets, and be off."

"And then what?" Alex whirled back to face her. "Just fly around out there for a while and hail a ride home as if nothing happened? Were you planning on telling me you knew this was here, or did you figure we'd find it soon enough?"

"You've registered this planet, Alex. Anything on it is yours, technically. That means anyone wanting to study or sample this alien wreckage has to go through you." Mari laughed shortly but humorlessly. "But you wouldn't have found it without our help, so I didn't think you'd mind finding a few samples gone."

Evan stared at Mari a moment, surprised by her attitude. There was something odd about her tonight that wasn't entirely due to the argument they were having. She looked pale, as if she'd been exerting herself past her limits. But surely Ian wouldn't have allowed that.

"You're right about one thing." Alex glanced at Evan, then back to Mari. "This is my planet now. Nothing's leaving here without my permission."

Mari blinked. "This find is mine, Marcase. It's the reason we came out here. Samples of this wreckage for the Consortium are going to pay for the retirement I plan on enjoying."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you had Ian point me to this rock." Alex turned away from her. "Evan, let's go. We'll camp here tonight and set monitors all over this wreckage."

"You can't do this. You wouldn't have this planet if it weren't for us!"

Evan watched Mari glaring at Alex until his Keeper was safely back down inside the wreckage, then he started down himself.

"I didn't have to call you down here. It was a courtesy! We could have collected our samples and left, and you never would have noticed."

"Then why didn't you?" Alex shot back.

Mari huffed. "You're an explorer, Marcase. I thought I'd be nice and let you see what it was you'd been unable to find the first time."

Alex clenched his jaw, keeping any retort from exiting. Without a reply, he turned and left.

When Evan reached the first level back inside the massive specimen hold, Alex was already halfway to the end, but he stopped and started walking back almost immediately.

"I can't believe this." Alex paced halfway back to Evan then turned again and continued toward the end. "Him!" He waved an arm back behind him, presumably at Spencer's body. "This ship, their theft!"

Evan decided hurrying wasn't going to get him anywhere, since Alex kept stopping and turning to pace back toward him, so he walked calmly toward the end until he stood beside his Keeper.

Alex started down to the next level. "Do you know how important the discovery of alien sentient life is? Now Mari and that damned Consortium are gonna take credit for this."

"Maybe." Evan reached the second level and found Alex already pacing ahead.

"And what in God's name were those things thinking, picking Spencer out of that coffin to add to their collection?" The arm waved again, this time upwards in the direction of the level they'd just left.

"They must just pick up everything they find."

"She used us!"

The fact that alien sentient life -- or at least, proof of their existence, complete with alien wreckage -- seemed to be taking a backseat to a perceived insult. At least he understood the blame lay with Mari. Ian, of course, had just been doing what he'd been told.

By the time they got back out to the open night air, Sara and the rest of the passengers from the transport had built a small campfire and were gathered around it, talking excitedly about the wreckage. Piles of sparkling crystal shards were stacked nearby. Alex had stopped ranting, but now he'd gone silent and didn't want to talk to anyone. He stood leaning against a tree and stared out at the landscape to avoid sight of the wreckage. Everyone else seemed far too preoccupied to care about their captain's mood, so Evan took up residence on a boulder just a few feet away. Moments after they'd reached camp, the Finder's Keeper had launched from its perch, then landed several yards away from the transport and powered down, sitting quietly for the past two hours.

After a while, Evan heard someone approaching.

"Mari sent me to see if he'd be willing to talk about this." Ian kept his voice low and avoided looking in Alex's direction.

Evan glanced at Alex, who hadn't appeared to notice their company, then stepped closer to his fellow Sha'erah. "It's the hardest part, isn't it? Doing what they want when you know it isn't right."

Ian swallowed and his eyes widened slightly. "Whatever they want is what's right."

"Is that what they teach you?" Alex turned suddenly, startling them both. "It isn't true, you know. Mari doesn't have the power you think she does."

"Alex." Now wasn't the time.

"She hasn't been feeling well. When we found the . . . When we found that man, she thought you should know right away."

"Oh, that she thought I should know. But the fact that an alien ship -- one that technically I'd found evidence of first -- happened to have crashed on a planet I'm registering a claim for, she didn't figure was important?"

"We had information that wasn't available to you and your crew at the time, Captain. History will show that it was you and your venture into the Pendulum Nebula that eventually led to the discovery."

"If it's money she wants, she can take that body. The rewards on it far outnumber the interest in an alien ship."

"Ian was only doing what he was told." Evan didn't want to have to deal with Alex's anger in front of anyone, but he would if it came to that. When he looked back at Ian, he saw the man staring back at him with an expression that sent chills through his spine.

"Mari!" Ian stared at Evan for a moment, panic lighting his eyes, then he turned and ran back toward his ship.

"Oh God." Evan's heart skipped a beat. He shot Alex a quick look. "It's Mari!"

Evan ran after Ian, trusting Alex to understand what he couldn't stop to explain. He knew the look on Ian's face, the tone of his cry. Knew it all too well. When a Keeper died, the Sha'erah knew, deep down in his gut. It was the surest feeling anyone could ever have, and the coldest anyone could imagine. As he ran, chasing after Ian, Evan prayed the worst wouldn't happen. Surely Mari had a will. Any Keeper as conventional as she was had to have a will.

Evan prayed he was right, for Alex's sake.

He kept running, close on Ian's heels as they scrambled over rough terrain, past trees and brush that whipped against their faces and grabbed at their clothing. When he and Ian burst into the ship, time stood still. Mari was on the floor of the upper level, unconscious and unresponsive. Ian fell to his knees beside his Keeper and Evan hurried to her other side.

"Mari!" Ian grabbed her shoulders, then reached for her neck to feel for a pulse.

Evan knew help was on the way, but Mari's lips were blue. She wasn't breathing. Ian began to fill her lungs with air from his own, oddly in control and confident, while Evan felt his own mind slipping back to the memory of Spencer, lying dead on the floor of his apartment. It had been a lie, he knew that now. But at the time, when he'd truly believed his Keeper had just died of a massive heart attack, Evan's world had ended. And now, when he should be calm and in charge, it was Ian taking over.

"Ian." Evan saw Alex and Sara rush into the room and snapped back to reality. "Let her help!" He grabbed Ian's arm and forced him to his feet and over to the side where they stood watching, out of the way. Alex was a little to his left, but Evan couldn't look at him. Too much was happening too fast. His mind raced forward, seeing all the complications piling up. It made paying attention to what was actually taking place a struggle. He knew Ian needed him, needed help dealing with what was happening and what was to come, but at the same time he felt his own fear threatening to take hold. His own memories and the trembling dread of the inevitable were blurring out what was happening on the floor in front of them.

Mari was dead, he was pretty sure of that. But he had to hope. For Ian's sake, he had to hope.

Within minutes Sara had been joined by several of the other doctors and scientists that had come with them to the site, crowding the room in an attempt to help save the stricken woman. Evan shook himself out of the strange stupor holding him in place and forced Ian out of the room, then out of the ship where they could wait and not hinder the doctors.

Ian reluctantly allowed himself to be led from the ship, then stood in the darkness, staring helplessly at Evan.

Evan knew then from the look on his face what the answer was, but he still had to ask. "Was there a will?"

Ian's eyes looked dull, overwhelmed with an emotion neither of them was willing to accept.

"I can't believe a Keeper like Mari didn't--. "

"She did." Ian blinked, his eyes still dull and lifeless. "Her sister."

Evan didn't feel the relief he knew he should have. Something still wasn't right "But?"

"She died two weeks before we set out." Ian focused and stared straight at Evan. "Mari would have rewritten the will, but she'd decided to sell me so she didn't think it was necessary."

Evan tried to swallow but his mouth had gone suddenly dry. He glanced around, grateful to see Alex hadn't followed them outside. There were things his Keeper didn't fully understand. Things Evan hoped he'd never have to.

Ian suddenly held up his hand, palm down. The Sha'erah black tattoo was visible in the moonlight. Evan looked at it and a chill ran up his spine. As they watched, the black marks changed in color to silver as the Keeper ring from Mari's hand -- having nowhere to go -- returned to its source.

Evan's heart sank, but his regret wasn't only for Ian. Things were being lost tonight. Lives and innocence. The sense of foreboding was oppressive. He felt his mind reach back to his childhood, desperately seeking what small comfort he could find in the mindless recitation of rules and regulations.

Ian glanced at Evan, and for a long while the two of them said nothing. They didn't need to explain or discuss things they both knew instinctively, and in a way, Evan was glad. Words only interfered and confused a pain this severe.

When he'd thought Spencer had died, Evan's world ended. But he'd known immediately another life waited for him. He hadn't known then what kind of life that would become, but it was a future, and that was all he'd needed to know at the time.

Before he could find a way to break the silence, Alex came out of the ship. He walked slowly to Evan, an expression of regret on his face.

"I'm sorry. It was her heart."

Ian nodded and looked at Alex. "I know." He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply, shaking off the weight of emotional silence that had been hanging over them just moments ago. "She has burial requirements. This planet will do. No need to return her to Scotian."

Evan glanced down, then looked at Alex. For a fleeting moment he wondered if there was a way he could shield his Keeper from the next twenty-four hours. Just send him up to the Ascalon, then join him later and have no more said on the subject. But he knew that wasn't possible. And knowing made his heart sink that much further.

"If that's what she wanted." Alex nodded. "You'll come back with us, though. Your ship can't travel that far on its own."

Ian looked at Evan, eyebrows creased.

Before he could say anything, Evan cleared his throat and turned to Alex. "I think Ian needs some time alone."

Alex nodded. "Of course. We can arrange a burial in the morning. Whatever she would have wanted." He looked at Evan. "Her ring disappeared when . . . " He cleared his throat. "I noticed it was gone after Sara finished. Did it go to someone? What happens now?"

Ian held up his hand, revealing the silver tinged tattoo. "Her will was out of date, there is no one."

Alex blinked, staring at the markings. "So, you're not owned by . . . " He looked at Evan. "What does this mean?"

Evan couldn't meet his Keeper's gaze. He looked away for a moment, then at Ian. "If a Keeper dies without a will, the ring returns to the source."

Alex shook his head. "I don't get it." He looked from Evan to Ian and back again, confused. "Wait a minute." Slowly a look of bewildered surprise spread over his face. Again he looked from Evan to Ian, shaking his head as the answer seemed to come to him. "Suicide? That's ridiculous!"

"If you'll excuse me, I'd like to say goodbye."

Alex reached out to grab Ian, but Evan stopped him. "Alex, this doesn't concern us."

"No! It's true isn't it?" Alex shook his head. "This is insane! And it's not going to happen. You know better, dammit!" He turned and faced Ian. "Listen to me."

"Alex!" Evan moved up beside him.

"No." Alex ignored him and grabbed Ian by the arm. "Listen to me, Ian. I know what you're thinking about doing, and you don't have to. I don't care who told you what is and isn't right! Owning people conditioned to be slaves isn't right. Telling them to commit suicide if they have no Keeper isn't right! What Maker taught all of you was a lie! He didn't even know how it worked."

"How do you know Maker?" Ian spoke with a voice oddly calm and decisive. It was as if Mari's death had switched off the man they'd come to know, and a new one was in charge now, fully prepared to methodically take care of the details of his Keeper's last wishes.

"I killed him, that's how."

"Alex!"

He ignored Evan's protests. "We both did. But before we even got that far, we learned it isn't the Keeper who controls the ring, Ian. And it wasn't Maker either. It's you. You control that ring, and you control your own destiny."

Ian looked at Evan. "What is he saying?"

"It's true." Evan shrugged.

"There is no Sha'erah without a Keeper."

"Then there's just you!" Alex persisted. "Listen to me, this isn't necessary. I know you're upset right now, and I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am. But if you'll just take some time to grieve, I think you'll see the world hasn't come to an end." Alex looked up at Evan, then back to Ian. "Evan's living proof I'm right. The rules Maker invented don't apply anymore. They never did. No one's standing here waiting for you to kill yourself, and no one's going to be punished if you don't."

"He needs time to be alone." Evan put a hand on Alex's arm and looked at Ian. There was no way his Keeper could comprehend what the Sha'erah was going through, but Evan could. He knew this pain first-hand, only his chance at any kind of choice had been taken from him in Spencer's will. Ian's choices were made for him in Mari's lack of one.

"Just promise me you won't do anything rash." Alex stared at Ian until he got a quick nod.

"Good." Finally Alex relented and Ian walked slowly back inside the ship.

"I should have said something sooner, when Mari was still alive. I should have explained about Maker and everything else." Alex shook his head and stared up at the night sky.

"Why? She wouldn't have believed you and wouldn't have wanted to."

"At least Ian wouldn't have thought he had to kill himself because her will was outdated. There's no need for that. It's stupid." Alex ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, resting against one of Finder's Keeper's supports.

Evan sighed and looked out over the landscape. There were some things his Keeper wasn't capable of understanding. Maybe no one was who hadn't known fully and completely about Sha'erah from the beginning. Someone like Alex who'd believed they were a myth until faced with reality -- How could he be expected to understand? "Ian is Sha'erah, Alex."

"What is that, an excuse?" Alex pushed away from the ship and paced a few feet. "You were all brainwashed as children, Evan. To expect someone to kill themselves just because someone else died and left them alone is insane. I can understand people doing that out of grief, sure. But because they were told to? No, that I can't accept."

Evan closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Why was it these life-shattering incidents happened when you weren't ready or expecting them? Just an hour ago, as angry as Alex had been at the time, life had been much simpler.

Alex shook his head decisively. "Ian will come with us. He can stay on the Ascalon until he decides what he wants to do."

"And what would that be?" Evan heard the tinge of bitterness in his own voice, but Alex didn't reprimand him. Still he paused a moment to try and clear it out. "Alex, he's Sha'erah." He held out his own tattooed hand, then pointed to his neck. "What can he do? He can't get a job, Sha'erah work for a Keeper. He can't pass himself off as anything other than what he is. How is he supposed to survive alone?"

Alex stood a few feet away from Evan, staring at him, his brow knitted tightly together in a mix of anger and frustrated confusion. Finally he blinked and looked away for a moment. "I know a guy in the Locator business. When I was in school, a guy I grew up with, he went into that field. Maybe I can find him, arrange something." He shrugged. "Hell, he can live on the ship with us, I don't care! But killing himself because it's what Sha'erah do . . . No, I can't accept that." Alex turned and paced again. "He'll come back with us."

Evan sighed, then saw Sara come out of the ship and walk toward them. She smiled sadly at him then went to Alex.

"Ian's given me Mari's final wishes for burial. He'd like to do it tomorrow as soon as we can locate a spot." She handed Alex a data pad.

"An ocean view?" Alex nodded, looking at the note. "We'll start looking first thing in the morning." He looked back up at the ship. "Someone should stay with him tonight, don't you think?"

Evan hesitated a moment, then nodded. "I will."

Alex blinked and looked at Evan. "Okay, good." He touched Evan's arm and smiled sadly, then turned to leave.

Evan watched his Keeper and Sara walk back into the darkness toward the other camp, then he took a deep breath and walked back up the ramp into the ship. He found Ian sitting beside Mari's body. They'd covered her in a white sheet and put her on her own bed. For a moment, he had no idea what he should do.

Evan hesitated and felt the memories tugging at his mind again. To avoid them, he busied himself finding something suitable for a coffin. In the small hold, he located an empty crate with Mari's professional seal painted on the top. He cleaned out the dust and found some padding, then set the coffin near the entrance and went back to the living area. He'd never felt so awkward before in his life. He should say something, offer some kind of comfort, but all he could think of was his own sense of foreboding.

"It's the one thing we can't protect them from."

Ian looked up and sighed. "My original Keeper died this way. But Mari was there to inherit. Somehow it wasn't this bad then."

Evan swallowed and looked around the room. Consoling anyone other than their own Keeper for any reason wasn't something Sha'erah were trained for. He knew what Ian was feeling, and he knew that feeling couldn't be eased by any means.

"I loved her."

Evan blinked. "I didn't realize she was intimate with you."

"Oh she wasn't." Ian stood and walked slowly out of the room, and Evan followed. They crossed the living area to a section of couches and sat. "She didn't believe in using me that way." He shrugged. "I'm not sure I loved her that way, really. But I'd known her nearly all my life." He looked at Evan. "Surely you understand?"

Evan nodded. A strange lump formed in his throat and he had to swallow it down before he could speak. "Yes, I think I do." It was odd how calm and confident Ian seemed to have become. Must be shock. Evan remembered his own reactions in the minutes and days since Spencer's presumed death. He'd used anger and resentment as a tool to survive the coming uncertainty. Was Ian using calm detachment?

Ian sighed. "He really believes what he says, doesn't he?"

"Alex? He doesn't always know what he's talking about, but he usually believes what he says." Evan felt strangely uncomfortable there, talking to Ian about Alex while Mari lie dead in the other room. It was all so surreal.

"There is no Sha'erah without a Keeper."

Evan glanced down at the tattoo on his own hand. "Or is it the other way around?"

Ian's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Evan continued to stare at the markings on the back of his hand. "What if we could choose them? Would you have chosen Mari?"

Ian laughed lightly. "Would you have chosen Alex?"

Evan shook his head. "On face value? No." He looked up. "But it would have been the biggest mistake of my life."

"Does he have a will?"

Evan's gaze dropped back down to his hand.

"I'm sorry, that's none of my business." Ian stood. "You can sleep here if you like, or go back to your Keeper. I'll be fine. I just want to sit with her tonight, say goodbye."

Evan cleared his throat. "I'll stay." He waited until Ian closed the door to the sleeping quarters, then took off his shoes and brought his legs up under him. He took several deep breaths and tried to bring himself into a calm that would allow sleep. Almost instantly he sensed Alex's tension and the emotional turmoil keeping him awake.

Evan sighed and got comfortable, closing his eyes to get what little rest he could. His mind reviewed the past several hours like an entertainment vid playing in front of him. The wreckage, Spencer's body, the look on Ian's face as he felt his Keeper's collapse. Suddenly the lump returned to Evan's throat, almost choking him with its intensity. Surprised, he opened his eyes and swallowed hard.

He tried again, closing his eyes, willing the images of the night to fade. He saw Mari, lying on the bed, still and blue in death. Slowly the image blurred, and Evan began to relax. But when he looked again, it wasn't Mari lying dead, but Alex.

The wave of emotion that washed over him was overwhelming, and forced his eyes open again in a desperate attempt to clear the unwanted vision. Fear and sorrow gripped Evan's heart, but he knew it wasn't real. Alex wasn't dead, Mari was. His mind was projecting, imagining a future he didn't want to conceive of. Instead of mourning Mari, and Ian's loss, he was borrowing a pain that didn't exist yet.

Stop this! Alex was fine. Evan swallowed again and felt the lump tighten in his throat. He blinked and realized there were tears forming in his eyes. Tears that had nothing to do with Mari or Ian.

He cleared his throat and willed the muscles to relax, forcing his thoughts off Alex and what hadn't happened, and onto Ian and what might still be possible. They could take him back to the Ascalon, give him a position in the crew. It had never been done before, and Alex's wanting it wouldn't make it happen, but Evan had to hope anything was possible. For his Keeper's sake.

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