Chapter Thirteen

Evan sighed and lay back on the grass, closing his eyes against the bright afternoon sun. It was the first time in what seemed like a long time that he'd felt truly secure and relaxed again. It was two weeks after they'd returned to Scotian, and Alex no longer felt the need to protect his side with an arm, but he still couldn't manage much lifting or heavy exercise.

They'd spent the time alone in Madame Duvia's house, recuperating quietly amidst the starkly white decor. Zane and the children -- along with Alex's mother temporarily -- had just recently moved to the island purchased from Commodore Wilcox and were settling in where they'd be least likely to be noticed. The doctor had been so completely absorbed by the children and the responsibility he insisted upon accepting, he'd accepted their minimal descriptions of what they'd found when they saw his home willingly and without much questioning.

Evan was grateful his Keeper hadn't told anyone what they'd found when they met Maker, or what he had forced upon them. The guilt still weighed heavily on his mind, despite Alex's efforts to assume the responsibility. That creature had made him, and all Sha'erah, then assumed he could claim him back from Alex as if he'd had the exclusive rights all along. And when that hadn't worked, he'd forced him to take part in Alex's torture, just to prove a point that couldn't be proven. Maker was wrong. Evan couldn't project, no matter what he thought. And whatever he'd done inside his head had been a lie. Or a trick, designed to make him assume something was different.

Alex was right. Maker was mad. He'd altered his own body, keeping himself alive for over eight hundred years, until there was nothing human left in him. And that was a Sha'erah's proud heritage! All he'd held true was nothing but madness.

But it was over. Maker was dead, and there would be no more Sha'erah. Alex's kindness in keeping it between them had served to further strengthen Evan's commitment and devotion to him as Keeper, and friend. He may not be allowed to shoulder all the guilt for what had happened, but he sure as hell could see to it nothing like it happened again.

They'd spent the last few days reviewing possibilities for a new exploration, checking out the latest public obsessions and human interests. Alex was still enjoying the fact that he now owned the Ascalon, free and clear of all but the daily operating expenses needed to maintain and staff a deep space exploration vessel. Any future trips could now be made for his own profit and to pay the crew they hired. It wasn't wealth, but finally the security he'd always wanted.

"This is the life, eh?"

Evan turned his head sideways and opened one eye to see Alex. They were lying side by side on the grass in the park he'd shown him after meeting his mother for the first time. "You mean, lying around here in the sun doing nothing?"

"Yeah." Alex smiled but didn't open his eyes. He inhaled deeply. "Gets boring after a while, though. A guy can only take so much of doing nothing, before he gets restless."

"Especially you." Evan closed his eye again and inhaled the sweet, fresh air deeply. They'd both discarded their shirts to enjoy the sun's warmth on their skin, tingling like a heated massage. "If you're not chasing after something no one knows about you get crazy."

Alex laughed softly. "Hell, I get crazy even when I am chasing after something."

Evan decided silence was the best reply.

They could hear children playing in the distance and the shouts of babysitters chasing after their charges before they could reach the woods. In the distance, the brook babbled gently, occasionally accented by the sound of fish jumping.

"Most of the new exploration seems to center around the nebula."

"I noticed that." Alex sighed.

"We don't have to go back. There must be more to space than that one section."

"I know. Trouble is, we opened that can of worms. Now that we've been inside, and you made probing through the gasses easier, they're finding more and more planets in the nebula that can be explored. Very promising ones, at that."

Evan folded both hands behind his head and opened his eyes, shaded now that the sun was hiding behind a small cloud. "Is there profit in that?"

Alex opened his eyes and looked at Evan, grinning. "Profit? Sure. You find someone who wants a planet, and go claim it for him. Or, you can get to a planet before anyone else, do the evaluation and exploration, and sell it to the highest bidder."

"And there's been no sign of that anomaly you tried to find before?"

"Not that anyone has reported, no." Alex plucked a tall strand of grass and started chewing on it. "Whatever it was is gone now, I think."

"Surely if there was something out there, it couldn't be kept secret." Evan knew that wasn't necessarily true, but it sounded good.

"Nah, how could it? People could be in danger, and with that many miners working the Turbidium on C-4, news would leak back." Alex stretched his arms and folded them behind his head so he was sitting up slightly. "So tell me, what was her name?"

Evan blinked. "Who?"

"Your first." Alex looked at him, grinning. "What was her name?"

"My first what?"

"Your first." Alex laughed shortly. "Woman, Evan. Your first woman. Or girl, I guess." He shrugged. "Mine was Erika. She was sixteen and experienced, I was fourteen and stupid. It was true love for, oh, about five minutes. Including foreplay."

"Oh." Evan shrugged. "Her name was Roma Mathews. She was thirty-six and won the bid."

Alex sat up, blinking. "Thirty-six and won the bid? What do you mean, the bid? And how did you get a thirty-six year old when you were, what, fifteen?"

Evan sighed and sat up. There were grass strands stuck to the bare skin of his back that tickled. "There was a party Spencer was throwing. One of the women asked permission to be with me, and another woman heard her so she asked. Spencer saw an opportunity to make some money, and started a bidding war between all the women interested."

Alex looked both shocked and disgusted.

Evan shrugged. "Roma won the bid and took me into the next room."

Alex swallowed. "So . . . How was it?"

"All right, I suppose." Evan reached over one shoulder to wipe off some of the grass strands. "Spencer told me to make it last, and I didn't know what I was doing at the time. She seemed to enjoy it, but I wasn't allowed to speak with her and she just left when it was over."

"Damn." Alex ran a hand through his hair and shook his head slowly. "So, my father pimped you out to the highest bidder for your first time, and didn't even let you talk to her about it? Or anyone?"

"He decided who I was with all the time." Evan couldn't believe Alex didn't know that, it was basic Sha'erah/Keeper information. "Normally there was money involved, unless he needed me to do someone to seal a deal or make a client happy. Whatever."

"So, you've never been with a woman you wanted to be with?"

"That's not important."

Alex shook his head, eyes wide in surprise. "It's the only thing that is important."

Evan shrugged. "I've enjoyed many of the women I have been with. We're not allowed to form relationships, that would get in the way of our duties."

"All right, listen." Alex held up a hand. "Just promise me one thing . . . If you ever meet a woman in the crew, or wherever, and you want to be with her, feel free to pursue it."

Evan considered that for a moment, wondering why Alex didn't understand the basic things. He could explain to him how Sha'erah didn't need sexual relationships like that on any regular or committed basis. He could tell him his devotion to his Keeper was the only thing that mattered, and the rest was nothing more than a physical impulse that could be controlled or indulged with no strings attached at any time. He could try and explain how he had a sex drive, but one that was under his control at all times. But, considering Alex, it was easier to simply agree.

He nodded and his Keeper seemed relieved.

"So, are we going to go back to the nebula?"

Alex sighed, chewing on the blade of grass. "I think so. It's the surest bet for a discovery that might pay off. At least right now. Plenty of planets in there to choose from. I think I could handle going back in now." He turned to look at Evan. "What about you?"

His first impulse was to say of course, that anything his Keeper wanted was what they would do, but he hesitated. Alex always wanted his opinion when he asked these questions. Evan wanted to be sure and give his Keeper what he wanted. No matter how hard it was to get used to.

Finally he nodded. "I'm fine with it. We'll have a good crew, and no outside people involved."

Alex grinned. "Right. A crew I want you to hand pick. Check their backgrounds, personalities, the works."

"Of course." There was no way he'd let anyone even remotely attached to Spencer or Carpenter anywhere near the ship without them knowing.

"We should come at the nebula from a different angle, try a section no one's gone near yet."

"According to the reports, everyone's following your path straight in at the nearest arm of gas." It was stupid, considering they were going in to try and find something they could claim first, but a testament to Alex's reputation among his peers. "I saw your route being published as the way into the Pendulum Nebula."

Alex's grin widened. "Good. If they're all going in that way, we'll sneak in by the side door." He turned his head and spat out the strand of grass. "We'll need more of your probes. Why don't you give our local distributor your specs for the double engine, so we can order them straight that way. Then you won't have to bother scavenging parts."

Evan shrugged. "I didn't mind."

"I know, but we'll need your multiple talents for other things, I'm sure. Once we get there, who knows what we'll find or need." Alex sat up and started flicking grass from his back. "You're my ace in the hole. Even if every explorer going out there has the same double engine probe design, they don't have you." He stretched until his back popped. "I'll have to check out some evaluation and exploration equipment, see if I can get a deal on some new stuff."

Evan didn't know how to reply to such a compliment. "I'll send the specs to the designer first thing. When are we going back to the ship?"

Alex inhaled deeply and glanced around the park. "I was thinking tonight. I've about had my fill of mother's white house."

Thank God!There really was only so much white a man could take, after all. "I can start contacting the crew tomorrow, then."

"Good." Alex smiled, squinting against the sun. "It'll be good to get back out there again, back to what we should be doing." He stood and picked up his shirt, draping it over one arm. "Now, how about dinner before we pack up?"

Evan nodded and got up, stretching. He retrieved his shirt and flicked at more of the grass strands still clinging to his skin. Alex reached over and wiped them off, then Evan did the same for his Keeper, freeing him of the green strands. When they were both sufficiently dusted off, they put their shirts back on and hailed a ride back to the house.

"Alexander, Evan, may I start something for the evening meal?" Sylvester greeted them happily at the front door, hovering just at eye level.

"Thank you, Sylvester. We'll eat in the kitchen again, if you don't mind." Alex started up the winding staircase.

"Certainly, sir. Madame Duvia left word she'll be returning from the resort in three days."

Evan followed his Keeper up the stairs, glad they'd be eating in the one room that had some color to it.

"That's fine, Sylvester. We'll be returning to the Ascalon tonight."

"Very good, sir." The 'bot busily hovered away, humming to itself on the way to the kitchen.

"It's nice not to have to turn him off anymore." Evan walked to the large closet in the room they'd been sharing and found their packs.

"Yeah, Sylvester's not a bad guy. Especially now that you fixed him." Alex grinned.

"That program was pretty crude," Evan admonished. "If you'd used it too many more times, it could have done serious damage."

"Well, it was a long time ago. And I hadn't needed to use it for years." Alex started stuffing his clothes into the pack. "Besides, no harm done. You fixed him up, made a better program, and he has no idea anything was amiss."

"You were lucky."

"I was young." He shrugged and stuffed another shirt into the pack. "Just being a kid, I guess. But I don't suppose you ever did anything like it?"

Evan shook his head. "Of course not. When I was given to Spencer, I had a job to do. Sha'erah don't play. There's no time for that during training and no call for it afterwards." He glanced up at Alex and caught a look of frustration coloring his face. "What?"

Alex made a snort and shook his head. "Nothing." He stuffed more clothes into the pack. "I just . . . Evan." He dropped the pack and looked up. "Tell me something, honestly."

Evan blinked, looking Alex in the eyes as he waited for him to continue.

"Do you take any pleasure in life? I mean, outside what you consider your duty or a job well done?"

Evan blinked again, not sure what he meant.

"Is there anything you enjoy, just for the sake of it?"

What exactly does he mean?"Of course I do." His eyebrows creased in slight confusion. "You don't understand. Being your Sha'erah, exploring with you and finding ways to help, that is what I enjoy."

Alex shook his head, apparently not happy with that answer. "Never mind." He turned back to the closet.

Evan reached out and took his Keeper by the arm. Suddenly he felt the need to make sure Alex understood him, completely. "No, I'm serious."

Alex turned and met his gaze.

"I do enjoy helping you." He released his Keeper's arm when he was certain Alex was listening to him. "With Spencer, it was what I had to do. I was his Sha'erah, and in return I had security and purpose. But with you . . . " He faltered unexpectedly, but pushed himself forward. "I enjoy what I'm doing. Really."

Alex seemed to consider that answer. Finally he smiled and gave Evan's arm a gentle pat. "Thanks."

Evan wasn't sure if it was his answer Alex appreciated, or just the fact that he had answered, but he didn't think it mattered.

They finished packing, then went back downstairs to the kitchen where Sylvester had a nice meal prepared and ready at the long, low table. It was the best room in the house, decorated in the warmer tones of natural stone and wood. During the two weeks they'd stayed here, both men had spent most of their time in the kitchen or out at the park resting in the sun.

"We'll need exploration gear this time out." Alex leaned back in his chair and turned the beer bottle around in his hands. "I don't usually bother going planet-side. Most of the time I have a team of geologists onboard to make sure I've found exactly what I contracted for. But this time we'll be looking for something worth claiming and putting on the market. Either for mining or inhabiting."

"It seems odd, to claim an entire planet and sell it to the highest bidder." Evan pushed his own beer bottle back and forth on the table, watching the liquid roll around inside. "It seems like planets shouldn't belong to anyone."

"I know." Alex nodded. "It's strange, but they're all like that. No one person owns a planet, but anyone living or working pays a tax to the owners. We just don't give it that much thought."

Evan considered what little he bothered to know about politics. "I guess I never did think about it much." Of course, it wasn't something a Sha'erah would care about. While Alex was putting large amounts of money into an account, calling it Evan's pay, he didn't seem to realize the money was always going to be his anyway, regardless of where he put it or what he called it. Sha'erah didn't keep money of their own, so anything Alex was paying him was still, ultimately, his money. But Evan said nothing. It seemed to be important to his Keeper that he was earning pay like anyone else.

"What kind of planet sells?"

Alex finished his beer and shrugged one shoulder. "Something with good potential for mining, or settling. If it has a breathable atmosphere and workable landscape you can find hundreds of interested parties. As long as there are no predators that can't be easily avoided or major structural problems like frequent quakes or weather conditions. Nowadays just about anything goes, though. Have you ever been to Aquataine?"

"No. That's the all-water world, right?"

"Mostly water. The land masses are actually floating clumps of vegetation and dirt that grew tightly together. Tight enough to build on, but they still float and occasionally break apart and drift." Alex stood and cleared the dishes. "They've got a huge export of seafood that keeps the citizens in the upper income bracket year round."

"I guess if that planet did well, we shouldn't have too much trouble." Evan helped clear the table. "So the trick to this must be finding one first."

"That would be the trick." Alex wiped his hands on a towel then handed it to Evan, grinning. "Planets are what everyone usually goes after, so I tend to look for other things. Turbidium, Casium, things people specifically need. They're usually in asteroid belts or on inhospitable moons no one wants to live on or near."

Evan nodded and followed Alex out of the kitchen. "And the nebula is so huge and hard to navigate, there could be hundreds of perfectly usable planets inside."

"And plenty of chances for other ships to miss them completely."

Sylvester had their packs gathered at the front door. "Sirs, I've ordered a car to take you to the shuttle port."

"Thank you, Sylvester." Alex glanced around the foyer. "We're not forgetting anything, are we?"

"No, sir. You're bags are packed and I've scanned the rooms to be sure." Sylvester tipped his body slightly toward Alex. "I have informed Madame Duvia of your return to the Ascalon. She wishes to inform you . . . both of you . . . that Doctor Zane and the children are doing just fine. You are to contact her before you attempt to leave the system."

Alex nodded. "We'll be a while yet. It takes a few weeks at least to get a new crew, let alone everything else."

Evan heard the car arrive outside. He picked up Alex's pack and handed it to Sylvester, hooking the strap around one of the machine's few arm extensions. With his pack slung over one shoulder, he opened the door and let Alex precede him into the cool early evening air. The sun had set, leaving the sky a deep bluish lavender with streaks of orange lingering at the horizon. Scotian was a nice planet, attractive and well maintained. A far cry from the planet he'd grown up on with Spencer.

They climbed into the car and gave the driver instructions, then Evan pulled up the privacy screen.

"You made sure Sylvester can't accidentally mention those kids, right?"

"I programmed him against saying anything about Zane or the children in the presence of anyone other than your mother, Zane, or the two of us." Evan shrugged and watched the scenery speed by. "He's a very simple unit, easy to program. He could be upgraded, though."

"Probably, but I doubt mother ever will. She likes him the way he is."

Evan nodded and continued to look out the window of the land vehicle. The children and Zane were safely ensconced on a secluded island resort, away from curious eyes. No mention had been made in any news reports about the small, private moon that had experienced an explosion and subsequent death of the owner. No stories had been printed up about the complete destruction of the source of Sha'erah, or the loss of five young children already bought and paid for by Keepers who would now be without recourse for refund or delivery.

God help them if those buyers ever suspected their property was still alive somewhere.

They returned to the shuttle port and found the last ride up to the orbital ship yard nearly empty. No one in the passenger area took notice of either man, much to Evan's relief. He'd grown used to being stared at, ever since they returned from the nebula and he was once again the mysterious Sha'erah few people had ever seen. Now he could return to the one place he considered a physical home, the Ascalon, and settle back in to the unusual life he'd learned to enjoy as the second-in-command of a large deep space exploration vessel.

He doubted they'd get the exact same crew they'd had before, with a few notable exceptions, but it shouldn't take long for the new recruits to accept his presence on the ship and learn how to deal with their own reactions to it. He was looking forward to getting back to something he could call routine. But what surprised him most was his own anticipation of the sheer adventure. There was a sparkle in Alex's eyes whenever he talked about exploration, a sparkle that had returned full force since they'd decided to head back into the nebula and see what they could find. Evan understood that sparkle now. He felt it, too.

Back on the ship, Alex exhaled a great sigh of relief. "It's good to be home."

"It's good to see color." Evan set his pack on the carpeted floor. The blues and greens of the Ascalon's carpet and walls was a welcome change from cold, stark white.

Alex laughed. "Well, maybe Zane can influence her there, too. I'm still struggling with the mental image of her with those kids."

Evan walked to couch and sat down. "She handled you all right when you were young."

"Sure, but I was just one kid." Alex followed him to the couch and fell back into the soft cushions.

"Yeah, but compared to you, I think five eight year old Sha'erah will be a walk in the park." He leaned back and rested his head against the cushions, catching a glimpse of his Keeper's look of surprised amusement out of the corner of one eye. He saw the pillow coming at his face just in time to block it with one hand.

"Thanks," Alex chuckled.

Evan made a face and set the pillow on the couch. "Those children won't sneak off without permission, sabotage Companion 'bots or disobey orders."

"Well hell, when you put it that way you make me sound like a brat." Alex's grin belied any hurt feelings.

"I'm just repeating what you said you did." Evan shrugged. "I didn't call you a brat."

Alex laughed shortly. "Right." He relaxed against the couch and looked at the ring around his finger. "One thing I've been meaning to ask you. Back when we were running out of that place, you said something."

Evan turned his head so he was looking at his Keeper directly, instead of watching his reflection in the glass in front of the couch.

"You said we were made for each other." Alex turned to look at him. "What did you mean by that?"

Evan let his gaze drop to the couch cushions. He remembered saying it, and what he'd meant, but he still wasn't sure he understood it completely himself. Finally he shrugged. "I always thought Maker would know everything. He created me, and everything I am. But when we were there, I realized he didn't even know about the rings." His own surprise and confusion flashed back, bringing a slight warm flush to his face. "He was supposed to have all the answers, and he didn't even know that." Evan glanced up at Alex again. "I don't understand how he couldn't know."

"I wish I could tell you." Alex shrugged one shoulder.

Evan sighed. "Sitting there in that . . . " He swallowed. "I can't explain it, really. I just knew, right then, why the ring is the same pattern as this." He held up the tattooed hand and gazed at the black pattern. "It was never that way with Spencer, because I wasn't made for him. I was made for you."

Alex blinked. "You've lost me."

"I know." Evan shrugged again. "I can't explain it to myself either, but still it makes perfect sense."

"But, if that was something my father specified, Maker would have known." Alex looked at his ring again.

"I know."

"So . . . what? Maker was so crazy he forgot?"

Evan looked back at the reflection in the glass, then switched his focus to see space beyond the window. "Or something else was in control." He saw Alex looking at him in the window. "Some higher force even Maker didn't know about."

Alex sighed deeply and looked at the window. "Maybe Fate and Destiny don't hate me after all."

"What?" Evan turned to look at his Keeper.

"Never mind." Alex's smile returned. "What do you say we stop questioning things. Start accepting them at face value."

Evan's eyebrows creased together. "Do you think you can?"

Alex's smile erupted into an all out laugh. "I tell you what . . . I'll accept the idea that we were meant to be stuck with each other from the beginning, and not question how or why. If," and he held a finger up, pointed at Evan, "you'll accept the fact that we're friends, and everything that comes with it. Deal?"

Evan stared at his Keeper for a long while. Maker hadn't known everything. He hadn't been the omnipotent creator he'd been taught to fear and obey. All the rules, the teachings, his entire Sha'erah way of life had been based on nothing. Evan felt both freed and terrified by that revelation, and hadn't wanted to even contemplate it yet. He was Sha'erah . . . but what did that mean now? He didn't feel any different, but nothing was the same and never would be again.

There was only one thing he could still be sure of. He looked up and saw Alex's sparkling green eyes waiting patiently for his reply. A slow smile began to tug with unfamiliarity at the corners of his mouth. Finally, he let it have a slight leeway.

"Deal."

The End